Jonnie Grieve Digital Media: Website Blog.

Archived Posts: June 2017 – Jonnie Grieve Digital Media posts.

Those “am I cut out for this?” moments

Am I cut out for this? Why am I even bothering? How can I prove to a client or an employer that I am capable of producing their brief if I’m not capable of doing the simple things?

These are questions I ask myself frequently.

I’ll get the positive bit over with first of all.

Yes, I am cut out for this. I am bothering because I am doing the thing I love the most. I am capable of more than I give myself credit for.

I love making websites and writing code and I love learning more about how to do it better than I was doing it yesterday. I love learning about what’s out there. But more often than not I am finding myself going back to old ground just to refresh myself on what I have learned.

I have to remind myself and retrace my steps just to keep myself on a level playing field with the rest. That’s not me putting myself down. It’s just the way it is. And I’m not saying either that neuro-typical people don’t also struggle with learning coding; taking in what they have learned and having the confidence to put it into practice. But I’ve got what others have in spades.

Let me tell you all what has happened in the last few days that has made me question my abilities yet again.

An Android I was attempting to load a view (or a screen) from the home screen of an app I was learning to develop. There was a problem that not only prevented the screen from loading. It requited one piece of code for each button that loaded the screen.

The answer to the problem was staring me in the face but I couldn’t see it.

In a separate JavaScript project I had a React proptype (i.e. a property of a component in React.js project) declared as a number but was being read by React as a String property. And I had no idea why since the property was clearly defined as a number property.

The answer to the problem was staring me in the face but I couldn’t see it.

In both cases the answer was simple and really was staring me in the face, just screaming “Come on Jonnie, this is easy, work it out”.

But I couldn’t. My brain was just not latching on, no matter how many times I went back and forth through the project. I needed help and the answer spelt out to me by a second pair of eyes.

Of course, asking for help when you need it is never a bad thing. But moments like those, are crushing. The realisation that the bugs in the program were entirely your own doing and easily fixable. And so much time was wasted before finally seeing the light.

This is why sometimes I question whether I’m the best person for this. Because I lack the ability to think outside the box enough times and clearly look at a problem.

There’s only so many times you can look at an error message and fail to read between the lines and take the right action based on what it says.

I do have an “excuse” so to speak for these issues in my Dyspraxia as it influences so much about the way I think and see things but it doesn’t make things feel any better when the self doubt kicks in.

But that’s what makes us all stronger isn’t it? The collective experience of our failures and low moments.

I continue to be motivated by my goals. To learn to be a better developer and programming thinker; to build my business and achieve my dreams.